When they wake you up BEFORE September ends.

Aries:

Your alarm clock is going to fail you.. six days in a row. The day you actually manage to wake up and get to work on time, you would have already gotten a warning email from the HR dude. I suggest you buy camping gear and set it up near your desk, for the sake of reaching on time.

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Taurus:

It’s that time of the year when it’s too cold to shower in cold water, and too hot to shower in hot water. So you’re going to be spending a lot of time in the bathroom trying to figure out that mid-temperature of water that your body is willing to accept. Sadly, that’s going to add at least an hour to your daily routine.

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Gemini:

Your morning poop routine is going for a six. No matter how much you try, your bladder is not going to relieve itself in the morning, like it has been doing all your life. But the moment 3 PM strikes, and you’re in the midst of a very important meeting with your boss, little puffs of air are going to start making its way out of you. Soon you’re going to be overcome with an overwhelming desire to grace your office washroom with your shit.

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Cancer:

Think no one can beat you at downing a full bottle of whisky? Well, you’re going to realise in the morning that you were terribly wrong. Not only are you going to have a terrible hangover every time, but there’s also going to be a lot of shit going down. Literally.

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Leo:

As the year descends, you’re going to realise that you haven’t done anything about your new year resolution to go to the gym and get yourself that hot bod. Now that you attempt to revive your fallen hopes, you’re going to face cramps and muscle pulls in places you never imagined. My suggestion, save yourself the pain and don’t go to the gym at all.

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Virgo:

Frizzy hair? Oh yeah. Not just a day, or a week, but a whole damn month of hair that’s going to be all over the place. Serums, conditioners, and gels are all going to bow down in front of the frizzy hair princess. And no, don’t even try getting that comb in between.

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Libra:

All this while, you were thinking that coffee is your ultimate saviour, but alas, your myth is about to be busted. Every attempt you make at preparing the perfect cuppa for yourself, is going to blow up in your face and you’re just going to be drinking shit. Sorry.

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Scorpio:

Just when you thought that humidity had finally gone for good and pimples were going to be a thing of your past, you’re going to be greeted a very pleasant morning greeting by your little best friend.

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Sagittarius:

For the ones who feel Maggi is their ultimate saviour, you’re going to go through a month full of mad Maggi. Too dry, too wet, too bland, too spicy- you’re going to taste everything except the perfect Maggi. No midnight meals for you!

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Capricorn:

Never faced a social nightmare? Well, this is your month! From your Facebook to your LinkedIn, you’re going to locked out of every single account that you have, for making the simple mistake of misspelling your password.

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Aquarius:

Rearrange the alphabets in the word ‘September’ and what does it spell? Punctured tyres! Every time you sit in a car, yours or anyone else, be assured that the tyres of that vehicle are going to get punctured!

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Pisces:

Had 25 Tinder matches till last night? Voila! You have zero now. You’ve been hit by Tinder doom, and no matter how many times you right swipe, you’re just not going to get a single match. Dry spell awaits you!

2-Rain

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