Monsoon is here, here’s all the bad luck that is going to pour on you this month.

Aries:

You can expect a lot of rain washing over all your hopes and dreams, and laundry. No matter how sunny it is when you put them out to dry, the moment you let your conscience wander and forget about the clothes, it’s going to pour like there’s no tomorrow and you’ll end up without any clean and dry underwear.

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Taurus:

Your love for jams would be at its peak this month, as you’re going to be stuck in every massive traffic jam in your city. Carry a few packets of chips, a couple of drinks, a blanket, a bucket, a tent, so that you can camp on the road every time you get stuck. In fact, you can even become a part-time news reporter and sell live traffic updates to news channels.

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Gemini:

You’ll get wet more times than you would have expected, and in ways which you wouldn’t have imagined ever (or liked). Wherever you go, you’ll be splashed wet by cars, bikes, rickshaws alike. So think twice before wearing those whites, because they’re most probably going to become browns by the end of the day.

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Cancer:

Bad hair day? More like bad hair season. Your hair will party in every direction, getting wasted on rain, and wake up with a frizz you cannot imagine and do not wish. But hey, you’re one step closer to getting that crazy afro!

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Leo:

You have a new constant travel companion, i.e. rain. Everywhere you go, you will witness constant downpours. No amount of umbrellas, raincoats, and flyovers can save you from the love god is showering on you. So anytime you want to take a shower, just go out for a walk!

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Virgo:

You can use all the protection in the world, but nothing is going to work. Your phone, your laptop, your beloved watch- everything will get drenched and stop working, no matter how many screen guards and covers you use. You can try something more out of the box like condoms, though.

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Libra:

Every step that you take will be another mistake you make, because the number of times you’re going to walk into mud this month is going to be astonishingly high. But hey, you just might become the winner of the Indian version of Takeshi’s Castle!

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Scorpio:

If you’re looking for a new hobby, this is going to be your lucky month. You’re going to be sneezing so much throughout this season, that after a point you’ll feel it’s becoming therapeutic. Though your tissue bill might go up a bill, but I guess that’s the price you pay for something you love doing.

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Sagittarius:

Yes, those samosas and jalebis and pakodas are going to tempt you into consuming them, but beware of their ulterior motive- they want to attack your stomach and invade your toilet.

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Capricorn:

Cockroaches, lizards, leeches and earthworms- all of them will leave their humble abodes to pay you a visit. If you’re nice enough to not kill them, they might just end up being your beloved adopted pets!

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Aquarius:

Say hello to all the fungus that has infested your shoes and your so(u)le! Don’t fret, they’re going to take very good care of your footwear, and might even gift you some lovely odour in return for all the hospitality you offered them.

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Pisces:

Think banana peels can be fatal? Meet the Slippery Family- roads, floors, and staircases. They will welcome you with all their heart and sweep you off of your feet. But I must add, they don’t intent to hurt you. They only want to add some fun to your sad boring life.

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Love,

Rose

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